i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
