after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
