You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
