I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
