We're facebook friends in real life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize