I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
