What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
