i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
