Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
