it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
