Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
