everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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