"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize