hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
