you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
