Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
