Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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