Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
