I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize