omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
