What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
