my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
