omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
