Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
