I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
