I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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