Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
