So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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