I think my vagina is haunted
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
