please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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