i will never coherently bang her
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
