don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am midnight drunk by noon
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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