She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
