Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
