GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
