Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
