I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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