dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize