I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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