I think I won the penis lottery.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
