We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
