dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
