Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My cat gives me a boner
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
