Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
