I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
