I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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