dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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