nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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