You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
