Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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