I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
