Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
