you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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