girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
