i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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