dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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