Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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