Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
