Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize