I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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