um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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