By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is classic penis vs brain.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
