How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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