I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Randomize
