As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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