Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
