My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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