Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
