so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
