1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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