Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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