Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
