Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
