Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
