Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize