the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's the barista slut.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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