What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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