My nipple is on Facebook.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
