I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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