I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
