my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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